Man Socks
Posted on 20. Feb, 2010 by admin in Socks
Man socks are a mysterious and sullen species. They sit, innocently enough, in the sock drawer after they first purchased, looking for all the world as if they are there to serve.
But beneath this innocent exterior lies a dark and dangerous heart. Man socks routinely make mischief: They leap out of drawers at will, and escape from the house, never to be seen again. Despite careful searching, the only time these individual escapees every reappear is when their partner has been binned. Then, they triumphantly leap out of the shadows, to taunt their owners with their powers of cunning.
The man socks that do stay tend to collect in drifts in the corner, rather like snow. The puzzling part of this behavior is that no-one has ever worn them before this happens. Cries of ‘please pick up your dirty socks’ are the cue for a bewildered owner to look down at his bare feet and respond ‘but I can’t have worn them… I don’t have any matching pairs.’
Although all man socks are mischievous, there are two main breeds: The athletic sock and the dress sock. Most man socks do not like to mix with the other breed, preferring to claim one end of the drawer each. The only time they will intermingle is during escape plots, when each brings their most helpful characteristics to the table – the athletic sock has the power to muffle noise when individual socks sneak out en masse, and the dress sock has the power to slip stealthily under doors, presumably to enlist pens and can openers in the plans.
Some desperate owners of man socks have attempted captive breeding programs. Rather than keeping socks in drawers, the entire collection of socks are stored, unpaired, in a basket near the door. In this way, it is hoped that new man socks will be produced. Although these attempts have proved unsuccessful so far, an interesting kind of self-delusion has been noted in the owners of man socks. When a friend points out that the owner is wearing one black dress sock and one red athletic sock, the owner may respond ‘What do you mean they don’t match? They’re both socks aren’t they?’
Irish Blogs